You can Always Start Over. (And Over. And Over.)
I went to the gym this morning and we had a chit-chat about how time sort of stands still during this week at the end of the year. Businesses are sometimes open, other times they are closed. My emails are largely requests for donations, another "incredible sale I can't afford to miss" and updates to every company's Terms & Conditions. I have, however, enjoyed the slower pace and having some time to ponder the year and look ahead to the next calendar cycle.
When I got home from the gym, Kelly asked me if I had set any formal intentions for the new year. Our conversation went as follows:
Kelly: Any formal intentions for the new year?
Me: Sure, to be fit AF.
Kelly: Isn't that every year?
Me: This year I added the AF.
We both laughed really hard.
I do plan to work diligently on my FRC protocols that and continue with the good folks at Evergreen Strength. And, of course, my ongoing yoga practice always provides me with plenty of challenging opportunities to work and play. Some of the Live the Light of Yoga community members and I (all of us are women of a certain age) have a conversation going on about an unassisted pull-up goal for the year. So far, it's mostly talk, but I am working on those pull-ups regularly at the gym, so I might formally declare them a "goal" in the next few days. I'd like to balance that capacity (or any progress in the pull-up direction) with regaining some lost ground in my back bends. So yeah, I have some ideas in mind in terms of how said "Fit AF-ness" might manifest in terms of measurable skills.
But the reason why Kelly and I laughed is because we both know that I am pretty grounded in daily habits that I have sustained over a long time and we both know that I am pretty reluctant to add anything "extra" with which I might be unlikely to keep up. Maybe it's being 53 and finally knowing myself well enough to know that a.) I am not a purist; b) I respond better to praise, joy, and fun in terms of my habits than I do harshness or rigid resolutions; c.) I mostly do things I like to do so what appears to be discipline in my life, is--9 times out of 10 -- just me simply doing the things I like to do; d.) pushing relentlessly is exhausting: and e.) for all my passion, sustaining interest in goals that are not already intrinsically unfolding on their own is unlikely. (And yeah, I know there is that whole Big Hairy Audacious Goal thing in the goal-setting world, but I am more of a "get conscious about what's unfolding already and formalize/concretize your relationship with it" kind of person.)
Also, physicality is uncertain and these are admittedly ableist goals so I hold a lot of what I just wrote within a field of intentional focus that is balanced with a sane and somewhat loose perspective. I am mostly happy to be functioning well and in a good stream of self-care. I have plenty for which to be grateful.
On the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual levels of my being, I am continuing down the road with my group at church (which has exceeded my expectations) and my Dream Tending course and continuing to soak in as much of the FRC principles as I can. We have two old kitties and of course, Locket's full social calendar with which to keep up-- school, Sniffspots, walks, playdates, etc.
So, yeah, that's me in my personal life.
On the professional front, I am excited about the next cohort of Teacher Development (we begin in February) and my ongoing classes on Zoom. Next month I am going to add a short-form Asana Junkies-type practice on Friday afternoon after our joint class. The idea is, “expand the range, use the range, own the range” or “do the joint mobility work, do some asana. Or do one or the other. Anything is better than nothing. And also, I am thinking of adding a monthly longer form practice on a Sunday afternoon so folks who can’t come during the day during the work week can come play. These wouldn't be highly instructional or creative classes, but would use more of a set sequence or a routine of some kind so we would get the value of repetition and I wouldn't have to add a lot of additional class planning.
I have some irons in the fire of some collaborative offerings, but so far, I haven't spent the necessary time getting the details together on those programs with all the other things on the top of my pile. So more coming at some point.
All right, I don't think that was a particularly inspiring "end of the year message" but it is an honest glimpse into my process. And, you know, while the possibility of the "blank slate" can be useful at the New Year, I believe that transformation is possible any day of the year and sometimes the best "starting again" happens in the privacy of my own heart. Maybe my new life begins in a quiet moment of remorse when I've recognized the way my pesky personality traits cause me and others harm. Maybe one of my many insights ripens enough to be put into action reliably and consistently. Maybe I start over when I get a whiff of the sacred and my contracted mode of being or behaving is simply too small to wear around as truth anymore. I think the great promise of the path is that transformation is always possible, that starting over and over and over is part of the deal, and that “There is no saint without a past and no sinner without a future."
So, yeah, like that.
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