From Grow Lights to God
Let the record state that I have officially passed a threshold from one stage of life to the next. I bought grow lights….
for my….
(wait for it…. )
my houseplants!
Okay, truth be told, I never grew marijuana. Of course, I certainly smoked more than my share of it. And, had you told my 17-year old self that her 53-year old self would be excited about grow lights for houseplants she would have laughed at you and been disappointed in her future self. But, you know, thank God for growth, changing interests, and different priorities.
Like yoga. Just today, I was reflecting on the stages through which my understanding of bio-mechanical alignment protocols in yoga has gone. Talk about different priorities….
In the beginning, I was focused on the "right and wrong" ways to do the poses. I paid a lot of attention to shape, placement, getting the name of the poses correct, and so on.
Later, that orientation yielded to an ongoing rap about "safe and unsafe" and all kinds of rules about straight lines, right angles, and what amounted to "do it this way or you will get hurt” and/or “do it this way and you will be safe.”
Thankfully, fear-based strategies and unrealistic promises morphed into seeing the alignment practice as the difference between clarity in the poses and vague execution. I gave lessons on mental focus and cultivating “precision in intention” for poses.
The era of “precision in intention” led me to a consideration of focus, attention, awareness, and consciousness through the form where the alignment is the means by which one enters into a compassionate, reflective, and responsive conversation with oneself. In this paradigm, the surface-level is "do this and don't do that" while the depth organizes around self-knowledge, clear-seeing, and learning an intelligent means of response based on the inner experience of traveling the Road of Rules long enough for understanding to emerge and sensitivity to dawn.
To be clear-- I still study the shapes and think placement is important. I think some positions are riskier than others and I am not cavalier about those risks for myself or my students. I still think that clarity and precision in intention yields a mental focus that is valuable and often results in better-feeling postures over time. And, yet, for me these days, the various aspects of alignment are held inside a deepening interest in what holds and contains the entire multi-faceted journey.
***
There are, of course, parallels to the religious or spiritual life. (Let’s pause and review. Stay with me here if the “R” word sent you down a dark road. The root word of religion is “ligare- to bind. “ Like ligaments that hold bones together (same root), religion is that which holds us together— inside ourselves, inside our relationships, inside our communities, and inside our embodied experience on this great, majestic and ailing planet. Sometimes, for some people, the binding is formal and organized. For others, not so much. And still, for others, NOT. AT. ALL.
Fine. No problem. Truly.
But since I have used the word, I’ll keep going. I think there is a level of religion that focuses on rules. There is a level that centers around threats and promises. Still other expressions center themselves on descriptions of “The Good News,” asserting that a life in faith has its own valuable clarity and focus. And still others point to a deeply thinking, feeling, authentic and theologically-informed life that is both autonomous and relational, personal and communal, embodied and transcendent. I am not new or naive so I do not think that last option is readily-available, widely-advertised, or commonly-accessed, but I do know it is possible.
***
I have friend who was raised in a punitive version of Christianity inside an abusive family of origin that was emboldened by the narrative at church. She grew up with strict ways to be “right” and “saved” and an-ever growing list of rules, the violation of which would ensure an eternity of torture. I was raised in a Methodist church that was more boring than it was scary. I can’t even remember much talk about salvation, although, yeah, I get it— salvation is a big tenet wherever and whenever you see the cross, so there must have been something about salvation in my early indoctrination. Seems likely.
But here is the thing. I am, finding tremendous healing in returning to worship and study inside the Christian tradition. However, I really never think about eternal salvation. I think it would actually be shocking to most Christians the degree to which the narrative of anything eternal is pretty much meaningless to me as an enlivening force. Don’t get me wrong. I am all for pearly gates, big fluffy clouds of contentment and bliss, and hanging out with angels. Really, I am good with that. And while I am telling the truth, I might as well say that I am not at all psyched about being dangled over a pit of hell for the rest of time. Nope. Not for me.
But I don’t want my alignment in yoga like that either— dogmatic, threatening, or magical. I want to avail myself of what is helpful, useful, and loving. I want space to explore, to/ know and not know, to ask questions, to get help, to come to my own conclusions and still belong. I want these options for myself. I want these opportunities for my students. I know that transformation takes time and I understand the value of delayed gratification. I also know that life happens now and the capacity to enjoy the moment is one of the fruits of a life in consciousness.
Ken Wilbur writes about evolution as a process of “transcend and include.” Real transformation is a process of integrating past stages/perspectives and transcending them. For instance, just because I do not see the shape of a pose as the primary purpose anymore does not mean I do not see the value in knowing the shape. Of course, that is asana and the matters of the heart in the life of the spirit require a lot more nuance and ongoing excavation, so I will leave that part to you for tonight.
I have now surpassed my 1000-word, self-imposed limit for a blog entry, so while there is much more to say, iI will refrain from saying more until next time.
From grow lights to God. That's what I have today.
Keep the faith. more next week.
