The Divine Path of Growing Older
Although I have had excellent yoga teachers and mentors, I believe that most of my insights about practice and teaching didn’t come through teacher training, other people’s advice, or from reading books. Most of what I know has come from being a student of my own studentship and teaching, coupled by the messy business of mistake-making and falling short. And while I like to think I am a reasonably compassionate person with high degrees of imagination and empathy, direct experience continually shows me that hardship of any kind can be quite a good teacher.
For instance, when my mother died, I realized, “Oh wow, I was not nearly nice enough to Lucy when her mom passed.” When I found out I had arthritis in my big toe, I thought to myself, “Good Lord, I was not nearly understanding enough about how effing bad arthritis hurts.” And now, it is abundantly clear that I was not at all generous enough about menopause. Yep, I could go on and on, making list of missed opportunities based on my own lack of time and experience on “The Divine Path of Growing Older.” The Divine Path of Growing Older is a phrase my spiritual teacher coined in the beginning of his teaching work. And wouldn’t you know it? I appreciate the teaching more at fifty-three than I did when I first heard the words at thirty.
When I was a younger asana practitioner, many of my older friends told me that once they entered perimenopause/menopause, their asana practice didn’t feel as good to the them as it had previously. While they felt stiffer in their bodies, the stretching did not feel good nor did asana yield the same effects they once enjoyed from the endeavor. These long-time practitioners continued teaching yoga while prioritizing swimming, walking, pilates, and even Zumba class over and above their formerly-beloved asana practice. I remember thinking, “Uh, okay. Maybe you should just practice more?”
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a complete asshole. These women were my friends and they were “confessing” their situation to me as though asana not feeling good anymore was a dirty secret, instead of a shared reality of many aging practitioners. I didn’t lecture or condemn them as far as I remember. My point is that I didn’t understand because I hadn’t walked the road myself. Even with caring intentions to be a supportive friend, I fell short. I missed the mark of what might have been truly helpful.
Of course, I do not have sufficient time in one given lifetime to walk the road of every circumstance to know first-hand how every difficulty, challenge, and loss feels to others. I do, however, have time to accumulate enough experiences to understand that I don’t know exactly what someone else is going through. I have time for this ever-expanding set of experiences to teach me about suffering, adversity, and resiliency. I have enough time to refine my empathetic imagination. I have enough time to know that falling short of my values and ideals is guaranteed on The Divine Path of Growing Older. I have time to learn that no matter how far I fall, accountability, forgiveness, redemption, grace, and Love is possible.
So, yeah, in terms of the menopause piece, my return to weight-lifting and the integration of FRC has a lot to do with a change in priorities, chemistry, and the recognition that in this new era, new techniques are worth exploring. In terms of my teaching work, time on The Divine Path of Growing Older has softened some of my hard-edged rigidities about what constitutes good studentship and teaching. I care less about strict rules, protocols, and other people’s reasons for practicing than I did when I was first starting out. I know less about what other people should or shouldn’t do than I did when I was younger. I feel less indomitable and more tender-hearted in the face of life’s many uneasy uncertainties. Time on The Divine Path of Growing Older has expanded my faith community and taught me that there is no loving God or others without also loving myself. And, of course, along the way I learned that loving myself was not possible without Grace and the many people who have insisted on loving me until I could love myself.
Many of you reading this blog are those very people. Whether we have been on the path together “up close and personal” or our relationship is better characterized as “distant and intermittent,” the fact remains you are part of my journey. And while I am getting down to the facts, each of us on The Divine Path of Growing Older know where the path ends. What we do not know is what will happen along the way. In the face of the certainty of the path’s inevitable fruition and the uncertainties of its twists and turns, I, for one, am happy to be traveling in such fine company. Thank you.
All right, that’s it for tonight. Time to feed the pets and then feed myself.
Keep the faith.
More soon.
